In an earlier post I wrote:

I'm a white guy who speaks English as my native language. Living in the US I have not had much experience at being a member of any minority group. (Though the city of Cincinnati does prohibit discrimination against people of Appalachian ancestry. My people, however, left Appalachia about 140 years ago.) Now I find myself a member of a minority--married folks. And, I suppose I'm in a shrinking demographic--married nearly 28 years and never divorced. A member of a minority group, how did that happen?

The following are the unscientific thoughts of this one 50-year old, not based on sociology, just close observation of the latter half of the twentieth-century. One more fact before I begin, the average age of first marriage now has risen into the late twenties. (more below)



I then wrote on the anti-marriage message of Hollywood.

First, what did we expect. We've been disrespecting marriage for years now.
Remember the movie Titanic? The heroine, Rose, was engaged to a real jerk of a man and the viewer was left in no doubt that marriage to him would mean a long slow death for the tender soul of Rose. Into her life came the poor immigrant who enkindled her real passion, leading to emotional and physical intimacy in a fairly short time, and without really knowing or publically committing to each other. Two messages here for the price of one: marriage is a cruel trap especially for women; a twitter of the heart is all the validation one needs to give oneself to a person practically a stranger. Neither of these messages is much encouragement for marriage. Here's another example, from the movie The Color Purple. The heroine, Celie, is raped by her father, eventually finds herself in an abusive marriage, and at last discovers her true beauty and happiness in the company of other women. Again, two messages for the price of one: men are predatory animals that women should stay away from, and marriage is an arrangement to provide sex and domestic service for males. No encouragement for marriage here. In sum, our popular entertainment culture has been anti-marriage for years now. If I were younger, and had internalized the Hollywood message, I'd be in no hurry to marry.


In the interest of consciousness-raising, I would like to continue for a while pointing out the anti-marriage messages in our culture. My hope is that we become more discerning of the messages we swallow, and spit some of them back out.

Today, popular music. I now will give away my age, for those of you who do not already know.

Lynard Skynard was the definitative Southern Rock Band, imo. Their most recognizable song is probably Freebird. Here are the lyrics.

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause theres too many places Ive got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldnt be the same.
cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I cant change.
But please dont take it badly,
cause lord knows Im to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldnt be the same.
Cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird youll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.
Lord help me, I cant change.


Do you get the basic story? A guy is telling his girl that he can't stay in a committed relationship with her (or anyone) because that's just the way he is. He obviously has needs, and appreciated her meeting them "its been a sweet love," but, now its back on the road.

While I'm on Southern Rock, the other band that could hold the title of exemplar of Southern Rock was the Allman Brothers. One of their trademark songs was Ramblin' Man, lyrics here.

(CHORUS)
Lord, I was born a ramblin man
Trying to make a living and doing the best I can
When it's time for leaving, I hope you'll understand
That I was born a rambling man

My father was a gambler down in Georgia
And he wound up on the wrong end of a gun
And I was born in the back seat of a Greyhound bus
Rolling down highway forty-one

(CHORUS)

I'm on my way to New Orleans this morning
Leaving out of Nashville, Tennessee
They're always having a good time down on the Bayou, Lord
Them Delta women think the world of me

(CHORUS)

Lord, I was born a ramblin man
Lord, I was born a ramblin man......


Same plot as Freebird. Internalize the lyrics and there's not much motivation to marry. Notice how the perspective in both songs is male--love 'em and leave 'em.